We all know how perky our teen age is, full of tantrums and melodrama. Also, we girls attain puberty way before boys. Those attractions and collywobbles, hitting us like a charm. I hope you can all relate how nutso we all were over social networking sites specially facebook.
I was one of those addicted persons, who’ll spend their whole day accepting/sending friend requests and chatting all day. When I was in 8th, I had 150 friends and I used to chat with atleast 10 people at a time (and by people I mean mostly boys). It was really fun until I met him.
I met Mohit on facebook (name changed) when I was in 9th. He was one year senior in my school. He was good looking with an audacious personality. I got so excited when a ‘Hey’ flashed on my computer screen. In the beginning I talked a bit cautiously but in a week we became good friends. The first thing I used to do after coming back from school was to switch on computer and text him. We used to chat for hours, late at night. I would really enjoy his company but we couldn’t meet in school because his class was in another wing. Two months of continuous talking and here I was, falling for him and his words. I didn’t know if he feels the same but I was too scared to ask him.
He never proposed me but all my decisions and choices were influenced by him. Strange right? What actually happened was I liked him so much that even his bad decisions appeared right to me. Also I thought since he is a senior, he is mature enough to guide me. But it was not guidance rather he became my controller. I had never realized how I became a puppet to his whims.
I would do whatever he asks me. From completing his assignments, to bunking school, to fighting with my parents for him to get me a new phone and to everything he says. But whenever I used to bunk school, he would take me to some lonely and dark place. He would also try to touch me here and there but I won’t say a word. Not because I was comfortable, but I didn’t want to hurt him in anyway. It was not like I never tried to stop him, but he would twist his cheeks in an ugly way or stop talking to me for days. It was really easy for him but I thought that I can’t breathe without talking to him for even a single day. He became my addiction. So, after a few incidents I stopped tickling him for this. I thought soon I will start liking it too.
I was blindfolded in his love until he did this. Well ‘this’ here, was something beyond my imagination. He asked me to send nudes and do phone sex. He even said that he was feeling horny. I was perplexed. I didn’t even know what a phone sex was. I didn’t understand what to do. What to say? He’ll think I am such a loser if I won’t fulfill his demand. I was also scared that he might stop talking to me. I was too afraid to lose him. I first googled what a phone sex means. I was shocked to see the results. How am I gonna do that? He used to call me at my mother’s phone and he did the same around 12:30am.
He said “why didn’t you reply to my text?”
“Actually I haven’t done phone sex before so I have no idea.” I confessed.
“What? Okay! Calm down”
I thought he would take his words back but he was an evil.
“It’s okay! Everyone has his/her first time. You can’t say NO to me. Can you? Just talk dirty to me.”
And I was listening to his words, sobbing.
But this has gone too far this time. I asked him if we are in a relationship to which he gave a malicious answer.
“Aren’t we enjoying this way? We are so happy together. Don’t you enjoy those moments we spend alone during school bunk?”
I could sense that evilness in this voice. He was trying to manipulate me. But this was it. I couldn’t handle this vulnerability anymore so I told him that I can’t do what he is asking this time and disconnected his call. I started crying. I expected that he will call and say sorry.
But it’s been 2 weeks, since he called. I did not see him at school as well. I was missing him badly. I was so helpless and vulnerable that I started thinking that it was my mistake. I should have fulfilled his demands. This is what my heart would say. On the other hand, my mind knew that it’s him who was wrong.
After 3 weeks, I saw a lot of students gathered around principal office. I asked my friend about all this buzz.
“You don’t know what happened? A girl complained against Mohit to the principal as he tried to touch her private parts in the classroom. The administration authorities confiscated his phone also.” she said.
When they inspected, it was discovered that he fooled many girls on Facebook. He used to talk same kind of stuff with everyone. Teachers are thinking to call his parents and rusticate him as his chats reveal that he used to fool around the school campus also.
I was shocked and frightened at the same time. “What if the school authority read my chats and call me to the office or my parents and rusticate me as well?”
I couldn’t pay attention in the any class. If any peon would come in, I feel like he came to take me to the principal.
But even after a week, nothing happened. No one called me. But he was rusticated from the school. I was relieved after a month. But it took a year for me to get normal. To erase him from my mind, my heart.
But I still remember what a fool I used to be. I was a puppet. How can I be such an idiot? I actually thought I can’t live without him. He is my only happiness. I was lying to my parents, my friends, in fact the whole world and I was lying to myself. I lost my identity to give happiness to someone who treated me like nothing. He was a pervert and nothing else. Adolescence is a tender age. Our parents and teachers should guide us properly about the to-be-feelings and its consequences. We all spend hours, chatting without even knowing who is on the other side. One should always take an adult guidance before indulging in online stuff. There is nothing like privacy in online world. Beware!
Editor’s Note: This confession was provided us to one from one of our brave heart audiences. We feel privileged to bring out the tears from the dark corners of one’s life to this platform so that every cry, every plea is heard. We look forward to such more confessions. Kindly step forward and share your story with Upside Me so that it does not go into vain.